Our story starts on 3rd March... We were incredibly excited to find out I was pregnant!
Due to a little scare we got to see our little jellybean on the scanning machine at 8 weeks... to see the little heartbeat flickering away was the most amazing thing. How can something so small have so much detail?!
On the 1st May we had our 12 week scan... this time it was even more amazing... and yet again we saw the little flickering heartbeat!! That weekend was a massive weekend as we got married on the 3rd May... we were overwhelmed with “Good Luck” and “Congratulations”... (but double congratulations were in order as we announced the news of jellybean the same day as the scan!)
Over the next month all we could think about was finding out if we were having a girl or a boy!
Then, before we knew it, the day had finally arrived... The 27th June... we were more excited than kids at Christmas!
We saw our little one on the screen and I was too fascinated to cry... I couldn’t believe that something so beautiful was on the screen in front of us!! And we found out we were having a GIRL!!
Then the mood changed pretty quickly... suddenly we were hearing words like “You are measuring small... do you feel small?” And “She has a slightly enlarged heart...”
We were told we would have to go to Kings Hospital in London to see why things “Weren’t quite right”.
The next week was quite a blur.
The one thing that really sticks out was we didn’t manage to find her heartbeat that Thursday... we used to record it on my phone using a Doppler... but this Thursday we couldn’t find it...
I just assumed it was one of those things... as my placenta was at the front and she used to hide behind it... meaning we couldn’t always find it straight away...
Then came the 4th July... the day we were going to London... I decided to check for her heartbeat that morning... but I couldn’t find it again... I was just thinking it would be ok and we would get to London and she would surprise us by having her little heartbeat flickering away...
The drive to London seemed to fly by.. all the time I was thinking “I can’t wait to get these tests done and find out what’s wrong”...
We waited over 2 hours before they called us into the room.. it felt like forever... I’d never seen so many buttons and switches on a monitor... that reassured me that she would get the best care.. as she was in the right place... or “Centre of Excellence” as they call it.
When the lady was scanning me she wasn’t talking like they were at the other scans... but I thought it was because she had to concentrate more...
And then came the words that will haunt me until I take my last breath...
“There is no heartbeat today... I’m sorry”
Thinking back on it now, I should of known deep down that something was wrong when we couldn’t find her heartbeat.. but I was trying to stay positive.
All I could think was “How can that be?” “We only saw her moving... swallowing... even WAVING at us a week ago!” And how on earth was I going to tell our families? Exactly a week before they were having a granddaughter/niece/great niece... now they have nothing!
We had the weekend to come to terms with what we were about to go through.. although we will never understand it.. we are learning to accept it.
Then... on Monday 7th July 2014...
Jessica Isabelle Stone was born.. at 5.50pm.. weighing 5oz!
She was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my whole life! And it is my mission to give her brothers and sisters to help keep her memory alive!
“Jessica... you have taught me lessons I never thought I’d have to learn.. but through losing you I found a strength and love I never knew existed! And for that I thank you with all my heart!”
Love you more than you will ever know!