Bringing comfort after a precious loss
The passing of a baby before, during or shortly after birth is a devastating experience for parents and siblings and family. Leaving lifelong consequences for the whole family. Each day following our loss is a constant reminder of the fact that there is an empty space in your heart that was reserved for the baby.
We have developed a range of information leaflets to support you through the next days, weeks and months. They have been developed by mothers who have experienced the loss of their precious baby and found that they too did not know what to expect. The leaflets are provided as a support and guidance through own personal experiences.
Talk, sing and read to your baby
I found it a great comfort to spend time talking to Oscar when holding him hours after he passed away. I found it to be a special ‘memory making’ time to express my feelings to him. I told my baby that I love & always will love him, I sang to him, and retold him stories that I enjoyed as a child. As a parent I wanted to tell my baby what I had wished for his future, my hopes for him....
Bathe and dress
I wasn't able to bathe Oscar as his skin was too delicate. It was suggested that many Parents choose to bathe their child. Knowing that you can still dress the baby in their own outfit or wrap them in your own special blankets is a huge comfort.
Rocking your baby is a very soothing movement and loving thing to do. It creates another parenting memory for you to look back on lovingly when the pain is not so intense in the future.
Have music playing while making memories
Many families have reported that when they spent time with their baby who died, the room was overwhelmingly quiet, which added to it feeling somehow disturbing and wrong to spend time with their baby. Gentle music playing in the room, while a family is spending precious moments has been reported to add to the quality and peacefulness of spending time with their baby.
Create a memory bag
I chose to create a memory bag for the passing of Oscar. I chose not to have a memory box as it was to reminiscent of the casket that I chose for him to be buried in. A bag allowed me to add to it items that friends and family kindly brought for me, the hospital bracelet that Oscar and I wore, candles, white feathers and little mementoes that I collected over the coming weeks. It was also a place that I kept safely any reminders that I cherished from my precious experience.
Create a memory book
A memory book allows you to record your journey. It documents your days following your loss and is a lovely keepsake for years to come. I chose to make my own memory book and collected photos, feathers, images and cards from friends that reminded me of my precious baby. I asked everyone who attended the funeral to write a little message to Oscar in their and when ever I felt sad or upset I could record my feelings. This really helped me to understand and validate each emotion and stage of grief I experienced and am experiencing.
Planting a tree
Planting a memorial tree is a great idea. It provides an focus for remembrance, it represents life going on and the passage of time. number of companies operate memorial woodlands – they will plant and maintain a tree for you. Some of these woodland sites are for burial, some for ashes and some for both.
"Remembering our babies and honouring their little lives"
An Act Of Kindness
"I am sorry there is no heartbeat" The harrowing words heard by so many families daily...
Every day, in the UK alone 17 families wake up to find this is their reality. Every single day 17 families hear the words "I am sorry there is no heart beat, or I am sorry your baby will not survive". The care that parent's and families receive after a loss is critical to help them to heal...
Providing them with a simple Act of Kindness speaks volumes to a bereaved Mother, Father or family. Offering to assist with the shopping, cooking some meals that they can pop in the freezer or running some errands can be so helpful.
I was fortunate to have friends and family who picked me up and carried me for some time. Weeks on, these Acts of Kindness are providing generous healing to my broken heart and allowing me to grieve and look after myself.
Remembering that everyday a bereaved parent faces, will be different to the next and that you just might offer them the comfort they so desperately need- but wont ask for.
Insulate them, not isolate them. They do need you.
This page contains a range of other charities and organisations that you might find helpful. Whether you are a grieving parent, friend or family member of someone who is grieving to loss of a baby/babies many of these sites and pages may provide comfort.
The Causes of Stillbirth (NHS)
Coping with Bereavement (NHS)
Coping with Neonatal Death (BABY CENTRE)